everything reversing

Yesterday he was sweet with me..almost like if nothing ever happened.. Makes me confused..makes me live him more, makes me forget 10 days of darkness with one night of attention and love...makes me forget the screams, the mistreatment..them from day to night, everything goes back to the same,,, the monster come back and he screams... And i am confused...i don't know what to do... What does he want from me? Help me God

Today he called me to my work to scream on me because he didnt find a receipt.. He called me mother fucker, idiot and bastard.. Everyone realize the situation.. I feel so uncomfortable with my coworkers.. I am also scared because i dont know what will happen when i get home.. I am frightened by his loud screams..

has it ever happened?

Has it ever happened to you that the one you love misstreat you today and tomorrow he I'd fine so you forget about yesterday....and you do forget! H have you ever feel like you are not worth anything because the one is supposed to give you value just don't think or treat you with value and respect...and you like to feel this way. There are man who have the power top take you down and.. I'm with one of them, but in reality it's me, not him..i allow him to make me feel like crab because i honestly don't love myself...i allow him to disrespect me because i don't know how top respect myself.. He scream on me and scares me..he tells me that I'm crazy, that i am a bad mother, that he is going top make my life miserable,,, and i allow him to do it.... It is all my fault.. Sometimes i wish i could fly away with my son so nothing else damage us... Another day...full of depression...

in the middle of the dark

Today, i am so depressed.. I have been lock up at home all day.. He doesnt want me to go out. Yesterday at night he took my phone away from me.. I was so afraid he was going to find out about my blog.. The only things i could say over and over inside my mind was "please God.dont let him find out.. He is going to kill me if he does.. I am sad today...

Today he called me a hooker because i was using tigh pants.. He doeant know how it hurts his words..thrn he just took my pants from my body.. I had never feel so violated.. Later on he called me to see why it was 100 dollars missing from my account.. He doesnt know i took it to save it in my savings account.. I think when he come home yhere is going to be problems.. Someone please help me..

the beginning

You Always knew it was not the right one, since the moment he screamed on you and scared every single hair of yours.. You heard your friends and family over and over telling you that you deserve better, but you believe yourself so useless, that you didn't hear the voices of those who really love you, and you fall in love with the depression.. you gave yourself to that man who call you idiot, stupid, Dumbass, and countless. When you less expected you woke up married, pregnant, being a mother.. And out of the blue, you realized that he hasn't change.. He continue to scream on you, he continue to call you names, he continue putting in ridiculous in front of others, he continue to don't work, he continue taking your card away, he continue to spend the money you earn..he continue top tell your son that you are a bad mother.. And then you find out you are in a abuser's hands.. And you try to Get out, but he continue to thread you..he will make your life miserable, he will take your son away from you, he will leave you in the street, he will take your residence card away from you.. And you find yourself in a whole without way put..where am i going to go with my son? And without money because he doesn't allow you to use your own debit card... You need help... I need help...